I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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