Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
