I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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