they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
