The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Randomize
