I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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