No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Oh god it's open bar.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
