My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Use "feeling words"
Yay
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
