I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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