i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
