Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
