we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
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and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
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She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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