Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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