You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
