And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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