HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
