What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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