Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
