He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
