people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just got carded by a ten year old.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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