Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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