you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
