please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
