cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
