I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
