I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
