he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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