i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
