We won't sleep together?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i dont even know how to be here
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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