This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
