I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
