I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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