Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
