Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
