make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
