im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
