How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
