the day after is always just damage control
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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