This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
