Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
