If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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