I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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