its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
