I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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