He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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