He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
