i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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