Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
