I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
