I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
