I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
