there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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