those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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