I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
