I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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