cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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