Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
