1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
i think i just lost a toe
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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