maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
