No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
