At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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