I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
