i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
