dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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