I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
