clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
