I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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