If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
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