What did we do last night that was yellow?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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