I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
