So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
