she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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