Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
