Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
