I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
