she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
