Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize