did you get engaged???
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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