How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
