Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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